bulletproofheeb

Over at Panasonicyouth's posting about the new edit of Fanboys I came across a comment.  The specifics are pretty mcuh this:

• The producers of Fanboys thought that a cancer subplot may be too depressing.
• They had the movie re-edited to remove all reference to the driving subplot.
• The new version has less heart, more cursing and some nekkid.
• People are complaining.

Hell, I'm one of the complainers.  I'm not all in defense of the first cut of the movie.  I'm not sure how interested I am in it (though I am an avid Star Wars fan).  But there was a comment, based on the apparent mindset of the producers, that got my goat.

Let me stress what doesn't sit right with me.
"and this is why we have had practically NO memorable films come out of the US in the last 20 years."

This posting isn't a personal attack.  But that line did get me thinking.  Other than being total bullshit I understand why it was said.  It's not true, but I think I can trace it back.  Because the producers of this movie chose to try and thin out their movie in order to appeal to a larger crowd they have probably killed all interest in the project.  Combine that with the fact that Hollywood producers like to see large returns on their investments and you've got that statement.  But there's more.

The choice to cut out cancer from Fanboys is party due to the fact that it needs to have as widespread an appeal as possible.  I mean, it's a movie about the most obsessive kinds of Star Wars fans out there, so it's already aimed at a small niche market.  I know there are a lot of Star Wars fans but percentage wise it's a niche market.  And sure, Hollywood investors want to see money come back from projects.  It's called "how any and every capitalist economy functions".  For you film fans out there: when's the last time you were really disappointed when you got money?  Keep thinking while I continue.

Honesty time.  That well thought out argument above?  I didn't think that at the time.  No, when I read that line my first reaction was from the gut.  It was a visceral "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?".  My first reaction was that there's no way that could be true.  First off all, if the qualification is "memorable" then that leaves the field wide open.  So I started thinking about movies.  And I wanted to play nice so I set some narrower standards than just "memorable" movies.

• I counted backwards.  20 years?  Including 2008 (which I will because I'm a nice guy) that lets me count back all the way to... 1989.  Fuck, that's a large range.  Surely there must be at least one memorable movie made since 1989 from the USA.
  
• Try to avoid remakes.  I didn't stick to this 100% because a remake is still a new movie, but it's not good to just list new versions of films that fall outside of my time range of 20 years.
• The films should be American, but that doesn't mean they have to be filmed here.  I made some cuts because of questionable nationality, but for the most part it's a safe bet if it's still on the list.
• I could have been a dick and picked the worst movies made in that time, just as long as they were memorable.  But I didn't.  That's not to say that I only put pure gold on the list, but I tried to avoid crap.  There are is a dud or two on the list, but that just means it had to be all the more memorable to warrant inclusion.
• While this is my list I did ask for help.  That said, while I did ask around this is still my list.  That means there are films on here that I'm not terribly fond of but I left at much insistence.  There are also movies on here that I've never seen.  Further more, there are flicks listed that are fantastic and memorable but might not be as popular because they went under the radar.  That doesn't mean they weren't memorable.  I mean, if a tree falls in the woods and there's no one around to see it, how many people will remember that tree falling?
  
• And my reason for doing this:  It's easy to think "hey, American movie's suck".  But easy isn't always correct.  It is so easy to assume that what you are most exposed to is the worst out there (in this case we're talking the film market) but that's just because of the pure number of examples you know.  For most foreign films you get the bad filtered out.  How many foreign films get wide releases in the states that bomb in their native country?  Now, how many American films do you see commercials for that don't get shipped abroad because they suck (I'm looking at you, Norbit).  But I did this list because I wanted to make a list that shows in recent years memorable films (possible future classics) are still being made.  Sure, we don't have some of those old stars any more but we have new ones.  Is there really a doubt that Clooney isn't in the same school as a lot of classic actors?  And it's fairly obvious, like it or not, that Pitt is next in line for Clooney's title.  Ledger was coming up after Pitt so that leaves a space open.

So, without further ado, I present a list of not 1, but 107 memorable movies from the last 20 years that have come out of America.  This isn't a complete list.  It's not definitive.  It's just a bunch of examples to prove that memorable and (sometimes) good film making is still alive in this country.

Batman	1989
Bill and Ted	1989
Do the Right Thing	1989
Glory	1989
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade	1989
Dances With Wolves	1990
Edward Scissorhands	1990
Goodfellas	1990
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles	1990
Barton Fink	1991
Beauty and the Beast	1991
Silence of the Lambs	1991
Terminator 2	1991
Army of Darkness	1993
Dazed and Confused	1993
Jurassic Park	1993
Nightmare Before Christmas	1993
Schindler's List	1993
What's Eating Gilbert Grape?	1993
Clerks	1994
Ed Wood	1994
Forrest Gump	1994
Hudsucker Proxy	1994
Leon	1994
Pulp Fiction	1994
Apollo 13	1995
Before Sunrise	1995
Casino	1995
Four Rooms	1995
Leaving Las Vegas	1995
Mighty Aphrodite	1995
Mr. Hollands Opus	1995
Seven	1995
Toy Story	1995
Usual Suspects	1995
Fargo	1996
Swingers	1996
Gattaca	1997
Titanic	1997
Waiting for Guffman	1997
Dark City	1998
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas	1998
Out of Sight	1998
Pi	1998
Pleasantville	1998
Saving Private Ryan	1998
Shakespeare in Love	1998
The Big Lebowski	1998
The Imposters	1998
American Beauty	1999
Being John Malkovich	1999
Girl Interrupted	1999
Iron Giant	1999
Matrix	1999
Office Space	1999
High Fidelity	2000
Memento	2000
O Brother Where Art Thou	2000
Requiem for a Dream	2000
A Beautiful Mind	2001
Donnie Darko	2001
Moulin Rouge	2001
Royal Tenenbaums	2001
Waking Life	2001
Wet Hot American Summer	2001
Bowling for Columnbine	2002
Kill Bill Vol. 1	2003
Last Samurai	2003
Lost in Translation	2003
Mysic River	2003
The Cooler	2003
X2	2003
BAADASSSSS!	2004
Born into Brothels	2004
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind	2004
Million Dollar Baby	2004
The Incredibles	2004
A History of Violence	2005
Batman Begins	2005
Brokeback Mountain	2005
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang	2005
Memoirs of a Geisha	2005
Munich	2005
Shopgirl	2005
The Squid and the Whale	2005
An Inconvenient Truth	2006
Brick	2006
Half Nelson	2006
Hollywoodland	2006
Jesus Camp	2006
The Fountain	2006
The Good Shepherd	2006
Across the Universe	2007
American Gangster	2007
Black Snake Moan	2007
Darjeeling Limited	2007
Juno	2007
Little Miss Sunshine	2007
No Country For Old Men	2007
Ratatouille	2007
Sicko	2007
Sweeney Todd	2007
The Lookout	2007
There Will Be Blood	2007
Be Kind Rewind	2008
Cloverfield	2008
Funny Games	2008

So I've been listening to a lot of Imani Coppola of late.  Yes, she has more than one album.  In fact, as of this moment Chupacabra is at the bottom of my list, with the Black and White album up top.  B&W just... man, it's great.  It's rude, spastic and hilarious.  I love it.  So there's a track on the disc called "J.L.I.A.T.O.Y.O."  That mouthful of an abbreviation (acronym it is not) stands for "John Lennon Is A Trademark Of Yoko Ono".

Here's the kicker.  I logged on today and see this.  It's a news blurb about a lawsuit.  Yes, Yoko Ono is suing Lennon Murphy over the name of her band: Lennon.  Yoko wants her to hand over the trademark.  So it appears that John Lennon is not a trademark of Yoko Ono, but she'd like to change that.  I've always respected Yoko but this is ridiculous.  Is she serious, trying to make a point or displaying an uncharacteristically strong sentimental reaction?

PS Julian Lennon is siding with Lennon Murphy.

---

It's 2068 and there's no security.
I'm-a work 'til the day I die.
Fuck, it's 2068 and there's no security.
Give a man a fish and he'll take a mile.

Real fast, if you're gonna show your ass
Well then it better be clean if ya know what I mean.
Do you know what I mean?

It don't take a whole lot of wit
Just know the difference between a fart and a shit.
Shit!
Shit!

John Lennon is a trademark of Yoko Ono
Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!
John Lennon is a trademark of Yoko Ono
Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!

In 1968 you gave a woman an inch.
Didn't think you'd be workin on the day you died.
It's 2068 and there's no security.
She ate her fish for a life time, she ate em all fried.

What? John Lennon is a trademark of Yoko Ono
What? Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!
What? John Lennon is a trademark of Yoko Ono
What? Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!

Use your imagination.
Turn into a corporation.
Make that your final destination.
 

Just overheard at Fudruckers:

Dad: If it was between Hillary and McCain, who would you vote for?

Meathead: McCain.

Dad: Why?

Meathead: She's a woman.

Dad: And if it was between Obama and McCain?

Meathead: McCain.

Dad: Why?

Meathead: Because he's black. It doesn't even matter what anyone stands for. I mean, I think they'll all do a good job. No one's gonna get in and turn on the zod machines. You know what a zod machine is?

Dad: No.

Meathead: It's what Hitler used to cook... our "Israeli friends".

---

That was waiting for traffic to pass.  It was slowwww.

To my dearest Bree,

I find an unusual loss of words.  Could it be that I'm nervous?  Is that my heart a-flutter as I prepare to tell you how I feel?  Or is that just the world moving so as to punctuate how true and intense this declaration is.  But oh!  How can a language made by men ever be enough to convey what I feel!  Can I shout a sunset?  Can I wave a rainbow?  Can I ever hope to drape waterfalls at your feet?  I only know that I shall try.

Oh, I know the timing of this letter seems suspect: close both to that lowly regarded day of "St. Valentine" and also your call for letters.  But no!  My reasons for telling you all this are twofold, and neither are those tawdry coincidences.

1. The unbridled passion that has been welling up inside me has become a rocket, a fountain and other assorted metaphors.
2. I feel that I must defend my heart from the onslaught of false admirers who have been dropping mere notes at you while I have been conducting symphonies of love in silence for all too long!

What must I summon to win your heart?  That time in Paris?  I know that I was drunk on the rain and the pastries, but what a wonderful time that was.  Or perhaps that short jaunt off to the east African savanna.  How hot it was.  And the tsetse flies were simply a plague!  But I know you still enjoyed yourself.  Oh, dear.  I know.  Picture that time: the year was 1972.  The cold war was raging and we first met on that night in Berlin.  There was nothing we could do but stop for a drink.  Your flask or mine?  How clever we were!  How daring!  You took but two sips before I leaned in and whispered:  I suppose you want the antidote.

That's right!  I have been biding my time for all of these years past.  Shocked?  Of course you are.  But how shocked?  For I now hold your heart hostage.  Quite literally.  So on this day of St. Valentine I do say,

From one cold war spy to another,
             Have a happy and dastardly Valentine's Day.