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Has anyone one else out there been sucked into or suckered into American Idol? Normally the statistics would be “yes” but I have no idea what the demographic is for my friends and readers. But as it stands yes, I do watch it.

This isn’t an excuse but an explanation. It’s all my partner’s fault. If it were not for her I can guarantee you that I would not be watching American Idol unless someone snuck their way on as part of a ridiculous social experiment to mess with the American public (hint hint). But I do watch it now and after a few seasons as a viewer and, yes, even as a voted I can tell you why I continue to watch it. Elitism.

Elitism? I see you pull your head back in confusion, your brow furrows and your mind runs through the possibilities of that statement. How can what amounts to little more than a super-popular Star Search with record numbers of viewers in this country and franchise competitions abroad be fueled by elitism? It’s the very definition of popular as in population. So I’ll tell you. The elitist in me (which is probably about the same percentage that’s made of water) hates to see the talentless thrive. I still love the early embarrassing episodes where I get to see the talentless but I don’t want to see them win. Last season when the Keri Russell look-alike kept pulling ahead because she sang carefully selected patriotic songs I raged. How could this easy on the eyes but not on the ears singer be hanging on like some kind of blond and bubbly barnacle? I do realize that my last sentence answers its own question but you know what I mean. So I had to vote. And while American Idol doesn’t follow an electoral college it also doesn’t have all of the lovely little additions of a parliamentary voting system such as “no vote” so in order to vote against her it made me vote for damn near everyone else.

There are others that stay on because of their looks rather than talent. Many in fact. If you’re a watcher you might remember Kelly Pickler who wondered why Simon likened her to a fur coat when he called her a Minx. Or even David Archuleta last season who seemed to appeal to every single fag-hag out there, giving hope that maybe not all homosexuals will embrace who they are. That maybe some will try to play it straight forever and thus keep the demand for beards strong in this economically weak and socially accepting economy. There was “you let me stay on but I thought I was one of the joke contestants” Scott who tried to make it on tour despite scheduling conflicts with his family court dates. And watching these people parade out night after night builds up feelings of shock or disgust or flat out incredulity. How can America keep calling them back while kicking off much more talented people? They cannot be allowed to win! Despite the fact that I have never and most likely will never buy and Idol winner’s CD these people cannot be declared the winner of anything when they should be declared LOSERS. Publicly. In front of millions of people. Live. By mandate. So it becomes less about the music and more about injustice of the system and the lack of taste shown by the general viewership.

Are you starting to understand how this system can suck you in? It’s like a microcosm of the US presidential race except they don’t stop you from voting again. Who wouldn’t try to fix it? So today the show starts anew with its 8^th season and I shall watch it. I was disappointed to learn that they are cutting back the number of pre-competition episodes this year. You know, the ones where they parade out the painful and embarrassing singers. The ones who think that American Idol auditions are a natural extension of OtakaCon and other costume-play conventions. I guess the political equivalent of that would be to put George Bush Jr. through all the debates with the knowledge that they’re not only going to bar him from running but also that the speaker of the house will come out and tell him to find a new line of work and that his ears stick out. In short: intensely satisfying.